I would like to say that my first post in almost a month would be cheery but, it isn't. Have you ever had an experience that is so painful, so awful, that you know it will alter the definition of who you believe you are? I hate those moments in life and I had one yesterday. I am not going to go into the nitty gritty details of it but it ripped my heard out. It made me look at myself and wonder why I try to be a nice person. There are vulture and arms dealers out there that want to tear us down. Until yesterday I always brushed that off & told myself that I still was going to be a heart on my sleeve kind of person because, the pain was worth the happiness. I don't believe that anymore. I felt myself sizing up all of my relationships & really looking into who was my friend & who used me. I feel that in a small way, part of me has died. I know that it isn't important but, I just wanted to put that out there on the wind, try to let it go.

Tagged!

Becca, you should be proud of me, it didn't take me more than a month to get on it!

3 Joys:

a. My wonderful husband, Nathan
b. My Horses (Lady, Buster, Herc, Nita & all CR Horses too!)
c. My Cute pup, Kiska

3 Fears:

a. Getting kicked out of my house because of no money.
b. Old Age
c. Loosing Nathan (he just joined the U.S. Army.)

3 Current Obsessions/Collections:

a. Anything Cowgirl
b. Plants
c. Decorating/Cleaning my house

3 Surprising Facts:

a. I am deathly scared of public speaking (you wouldn't think so because of my job but ya, I'm a big faker.)
b. I hate cheese, tomatoes, potatoes, and a bunch of other stuff. Basically I'm the worlds pickiest eater. And I eat really weird crap too.
c. In high school, I was on varsity track team, captain of the girls swim team & on dance company... I totally let myself go to pot.

Tagged: EK (I don't "talk" to lots of peops on here)

Another Quote!

Here is another quote (If you get sick of them, let me know.)

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

-Maya Angelou

I love how other people put to words how I fell. It's the total truth!

Lemons or Lemonade?

Sometimes in life I just feel like ripping my hair out & asking 'God, why?' The past little bit has been one of those times for me. Family struggles, trouble with my sister and her husband, financial problems for Nathan and I... the list goes on and on. On Friday night I came home, exhausted from one of the longest weeks ever, to find Kiska missing. Now most of you know, I would no sooner loose my dog than cut off my right arm. I was in a panic & kept praying to God that he would return her to me, unharmed. Nathan & I ran up and down the neighborhood yelling, probably annoying all the neighbours, until about 11:30pm when I realized that it was a lost cause. I had to go into my other job at 6:00 am (by the way I got dragged by my horse that day) and needed some sleep. I prayed that night and told God that I really needed her still, so please bring her back. In the morning I jumped out of bed, ran to the front door, & opened it, expecting to see a really tired but happy Kiska. No such luck. I closed the door & was about to start crying when guess what? My sweet 'little' dog pushed the door open & came running over to me, tail wagging. I was so happy I ran into our room yelling, 'she's back, she's back' and promptly jumped onto the bed with her. We all had a cuddly family moment where I told her, under no circumstances, that she was aloud to ever do that again.
Yesterday, Nathan, my sister and I all went to my parents stake conference because President Henry B. Erying was coming to speak. He spoke on trials and how sometimes God takes them away and sometimes he doesn't. God gives us trials because those are the times when we change and become more like him. He said that even though they are hard, if we didn't have them we couldn't come to live with our father in the end. We wouldn't have ensued enough things like long suffering, compassion, faith and all of the other things we need to have. We wouldn't be enough like God without them. We need to say 'Thy will be done Lord' and mean it, even when it is hard. If we show enough faith and enough Christ-like attributes then when the day comes we will rise on the morning and he will say, 'Well done thou good and faithful return to my rest.'
So, I will have trials and they will be hard. But, with God's help, I can get through them and I can become more like him for it. I hope I can always turn my lemons into lemonade.

MAYBELLINE

When Maybelline first came to the barn, in my mind, there was nothing extraordinary looking about her. No paint, no flaxen mane, not even a glossy coat. One could wonder what was so special about her. But every now and then, you would catch a wild gleam in her, like she had a crazy secret she would share with no one. What would light her eyes up in such a way? One would wonder, until you rode her. Then you knew she was wild. Not wild as in being crazy, but she was, undeniably, wild at heart--she loved life. Her whole body would become like a short fused rocket, ready to blast off at the slightest touch. She could go and go forever and nevertire, running the rest of our horses into the ground. She would stick her neck out and just fly. To me, she would transform into that beautiful horse I so quickly, at first, dismissed. Maybelline was wild and I was in love.
I loved watching different students ride her. She wouldn’t make things easy, but challenged our most advanced students, pushing them to be better. Under clumsy hands, she would throw her head and trot, and trot, and trot. But, if you were gentle, and cued her just so, she was splendid. Unlike many of our other horses, Maybelline was true to her mark. She never avoided or dodged a jump, but always pushed through. It was fun to see her opened up on the barrels and the first year she was here for our show, she won, shattering all other times.
When volunteers went out to catch her, she usually wanted to come in. If she didn’t, she would trot away, just a little, feign acceptance and then do it again right before you caught her. When she was in hand, her manner was gentle and, again, the wild horse was usually forgotten or missed. She was never pushy but would wait her turn to come into the barn. She knew where her place was among man. It was only when you rode her that she let you know where your place was. Sometimes, when she was being led in a lesson, she would get a bit carried away and want to go. You would have to use a firm hand & remind her that you were still down there. Most of the time, she still just wanted to go.
Maybelline was a very messy eater. I always wondered how she could get her supplements all the way onto her forelock. Oh, and what a beautiful forelock it was. It would reach all the way down her face, sometimes covering her eyes. It would always make me think of some mysterious woman, and she was. I thought it was funny when she would get into a really deep sleep because her bottom lip would hang, reminding our staff of another one of our four legged friends.
When Maybelline got sick, it was like watching a bird be locked into a small cage. She could no longer run. Her eyes were dull and that beautifully wild horse was hidden in all the pain. There were many times that she was close to death, only to miraculously pull out of it. When she was so sick she had to get shots every day, she didn’t like it but, she never bore her teeth or got mad. She just stood there, throwing her head at most. We battled her sickness together for a long time, waging the war that was finally lost. I was with her until the end and that wild gleam was back in her eye. I know she was ready to go. I don’t believe I have lost a nobler friend. My heart is truly broken. But, now that Maybelline is free, I’m sure she is again running, with all the wild horses.
-Bekka Olds
“When riding a horse, we leave our fear, troubles, and sadness behind on the ground.”
-Juli Carlson

A less harry but still lovable Nate

Nathan has been working at Interpace brick for 4 years. He had planned on taking the job to work through school but then it kind of just stuck. Well, last week he finally quit. I can't tell you how happy he has been this past week working for himself. He also has more time at home which means more time with me. He starts school on Wednesday so we had to shave off his beautiful locks & the beard (He is going into Army Officer School). We were both really sad but, it was really fun playing with his hair before we shaved it all off. We did the hair first & the beard a few days later just so I wouldn't wake up & scream because some strange man was sleeping in my bed. I will post pics of the beardless Nate later. Can't say we don't have any pathetic comic relief in our home.

Welcome Baby Tesla!

A little over a week ago, my baby sister, LaDawn, finally got to have Tesla. We took her into Alta View Hospital and they started her into induced labor (at about 9:00am) because she was over a week late (don't think Tesla wanted to come out). At first it didn't seem like LaDawn was doing to bad but then the contractions started to get worse & she opted for the 'spinal tap' aka epidural. Things were a bit tense because we are a mixed family (LaDawn & my other sister, Destiny, are adopted) and LaDawn's biological family was there also. It made me sad because everything was supposed to be about LaDawn and Tesla but instead people were unhappy about being around each other. I wish I could have done something about it. Well, everyone had to go out and wait (longest few hours of my life) while LaDawn went into heavy labor. After about 11 hrs of labor, the doctor tried to take Tesla out with a plunger type thing (don't laugh, I know nothing about babies) but it didn't work. LaDawn's hips were to narrow and he couldn't get her out. He decided to take her into emergency surgery & do a C section. I was so worried about her. We waited until what seemed like forever & then a nurse finally brought Tesla out. She was so CUTE! Born at 9:20 pm on 8/7/08, weighing in at 9 lbs. 5 oz., 20 inches long ,Lots of brown hair, the cutest chubby cheeks (I could even want to pinch them), and LaDawn's lips. What a doll! We had to wait for them to come back into her room because LaDawn had to be in recovery for an hour. I was so happy to see her when she came in. She really looked out of it but content. I got to hold Tesla and see her have her first bath (let me tell you, she didn't like it). LaDawn got sick the next night with a fever of 104 and had to stay in the hospital until Tuesday morning. She is still having problems with infection and getting sick. Hats off to you LaDawnyo'/Superwoman, I love you sis!