I would like to say that my first post in almost a month would be cheery but, it isn't. Have you ever had an experience that is so painful, so awful, that you know it will alter the definition of who you believe you are? I hate those moments in life and I had one yesterday. I am not going to go into the nitty gritty details of it but it ripped my heard out. It made me look at myself and wonder why I try to be a nice person. There are vulture and arms dealers out there that want to tear us down. Until yesterday I always brushed that off & told myself that I still was going to be a heart on my sleeve kind of person because, the pain was worth the happiness. I don't believe that anymore. I felt myself sizing up all of my relationships & really looking into who was my friend & who used me. I feel that in a small way, part of me has died. I know that it isn't important but, I just wanted to put that out there on the wind, try to let it go.

Tagged!

Becca, you should be proud of me, it didn't take me more than a month to get on it!

3 Joys:

a. My wonderful husband, Nathan
b. My Horses (Lady, Buster, Herc, Nita & all CR Horses too!)
c. My Cute pup, Kiska

3 Fears:

a. Getting kicked out of my house because of no money.
b. Old Age
c. Loosing Nathan (he just joined the U.S. Army.)

3 Current Obsessions/Collections:

a. Anything Cowgirl
b. Plants
c. Decorating/Cleaning my house

3 Surprising Facts:

a. I am deathly scared of public speaking (you wouldn't think so because of my job but ya, I'm a big faker.)
b. I hate cheese, tomatoes, potatoes, and a bunch of other stuff. Basically I'm the worlds pickiest eater. And I eat really weird crap too.
c. In high school, I was on varsity track team, captain of the girls swim team & on dance company... I totally let myself go to pot.

Tagged: EK (I don't "talk" to lots of peops on here)

Another Quote!

Here is another quote (If you get sick of them, let me know.)

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

-Maya Angelou

I love how other people put to words how I fell. It's the total truth!

Lemons or Lemonade?

Sometimes in life I just feel like ripping my hair out & asking 'God, why?' The past little bit has been one of those times for me. Family struggles, trouble with my sister and her husband, financial problems for Nathan and I... the list goes on and on. On Friday night I came home, exhausted from one of the longest weeks ever, to find Kiska missing. Now most of you know, I would no sooner loose my dog than cut off my right arm. I was in a panic & kept praying to God that he would return her to me, unharmed. Nathan & I ran up and down the neighborhood yelling, probably annoying all the neighbours, until about 11:30pm when I realized that it was a lost cause. I had to go into my other job at 6:00 am (by the way I got dragged by my horse that day) and needed some sleep. I prayed that night and told God that I really needed her still, so please bring her back. In the morning I jumped out of bed, ran to the front door, & opened it, expecting to see a really tired but happy Kiska. No such luck. I closed the door & was about to start crying when guess what? My sweet 'little' dog pushed the door open & came running over to me, tail wagging. I was so happy I ran into our room yelling, 'she's back, she's back' and promptly jumped onto the bed with her. We all had a cuddly family moment where I told her, under no circumstances, that she was aloud to ever do that again.
Yesterday, Nathan, my sister and I all went to my parents stake conference because President Henry B. Erying was coming to speak. He spoke on trials and how sometimes God takes them away and sometimes he doesn't. God gives us trials because those are the times when we change and become more like him. He said that even though they are hard, if we didn't have them we couldn't come to live with our father in the end. We wouldn't have ensued enough things like long suffering, compassion, faith and all of the other things we need to have. We wouldn't be enough like God without them. We need to say 'Thy will be done Lord' and mean it, even when it is hard. If we show enough faith and enough Christ-like attributes then when the day comes we will rise on the morning and he will say, 'Well done thou good and faithful return to my rest.'
So, I will have trials and they will be hard. But, with God's help, I can get through them and I can become more like him for it. I hope I can always turn my lemons into lemonade.

MAYBELLINE

When Maybelline first came to the barn, in my mind, there was nothing extraordinary looking about her. No paint, no flaxen mane, not even a glossy coat. One could wonder what was so special about her. But every now and then, you would catch a wild gleam in her, like she had a crazy secret she would share with no one. What would light her eyes up in such a way? One would wonder, until you rode her. Then you knew she was wild. Not wild as in being crazy, but she was, undeniably, wild at heart--she loved life. Her whole body would become like a short fused rocket, ready to blast off at the slightest touch. She could go and go forever and nevertire, running the rest of our horses into the ground. She would stick her neck out and just fly. To me, she would transform into that beautiful horse I so quickly, at first, dismissed. Maybelline was wild and I was in love.
I loved watching different students ride her. She wouldn’t make things easy, but challenged our most advanced students, pushing them to be better. Under clumsy hands, she would throw her head and trot, and trot, and trot. But, if you were gentle, and cued her just so, she was splendid. Unlike many of our other horses, Maybelline was true to her mark. She never avoided or dodged a jump, but always pushed through. It was fun to see her opened up on the barrels and the first year she was here for our show, she won, shattering all other times.
When volunteers went out to catch her, she usually wanted to come in. If she didn’t, she would trot away, just a little, feign acceptance and then do it again right before you caught her. When she was in hand, her manner was gentle and, again, the wild horse was usually forgotten or missed. She was never pushy but would wait her turn to come into the barn. She knew where her place was among man. It was only when you rode her that she let you know where your place was. Sometimes, when she was being led in a lesson, she would get a bit carried away and want to go. You would have to use a firm hand & remind her that you were still down there. Most of the time, she still just wanted to go.
Maybelline was a very messy eater. I always wondered how she could get her supplements all the way onto her forelock. Oh, and what a beautiful forelock it was. It would reach all the way down her face, sometimes covering her eyes. It would always make me think of some mysterious woman, and she was. I thought it was funny when she would get into a really deep sleep because her bottom lip would hang, reminding our staff of another one of our four legged friends.
When Maybelline got sick, it was like watching a bird be locked into a small cage. She could no longer run. Her eyes were dull and that beautifully wild horse was hidden in all the pain. There were many times that she was close to death, only to miraculously pull out of it. When she was so sick she had to get shots every day, she didn’t like it but, she never bore her teeth or got mad. She just stood there, throwing her head at most. We battled her sickness together for a long time, waging the war that was finally lost. I was with her until the end and that wild gleam was back in her eye. I know she was ready to go. I don’t believe I have lost a nobler friend. My heart is truly broken. But, now that Maybelline is free, I’m sure she is again running, with all the wild horses.
-Bekka Olds
“When riding a horse, we leave our fear, troubles, and sadness behind on the ground.”
-Juli Carlson

A less harry but still lovable Nate

Nathan has been working at Interpace brick for 4 years. He had planned on taking the job to work through school but then it kind of just stuck. Well, last week he finally quit. I can't tell you how happy he has been this past week working for himself. He also has more time at home which means more time with me. He starts school on Wednesday so we had to shave off his beautiful locks & the beard (He is going into Army Officer School). We were both really sad but, it was really fun playing with his hair before we shaved it all off. We did the hair first & the beard a few days later just so I wouldn't wake up & scream because some strange man was sleeping in my bed. I will post pics of the beardless Nate later. Can't say we don't have any pathetic comic relief in our home.

Welcome Baby Tesla!

A little over a week ago, my baby sister, LaDawn, finally got to have Tesla. We took her into Alta View Hospital and they started her into induced labor (at about 9:00am) because she was over a week late (don't think Tesla wanted to come out). At first it didn't seem like LaDawn was doing to bad but then the contractions started to get worse & she opted for the 'spinal tap' aka epidural. Things were a bit tense because we are a mixed family (LaDawn & my other sister, Destiny, are adopted) and LaDawn's biological family was there also. It made me sad because everything was supposed to be about LaDawn and Tesla but instead people were unhappy about being around each other. I wish I could have done something about it. Well, everyone had to go out and wait (longest few hours of my life) while LaDawn went into heavy labor. After about 11 hrs of labor, the doctor tried to take Tesla out with a plunger type thing (don't laugh, I know nothing about babies) but it didn't work. LaDawn's hips were to narrow and he couldn't get her out. He decided to take her into emergency surgery & do a C section. I was so worried about her. We waited until what seemed like forever & then a nurse finally brought Tesla out. She was so CUTE! Born at 9:20 pm on 8/7/08, weighing in at 9 lbs. 5 oz., 20 inches long ,Lots of brown hair, the cutest chubby cheeks (I could even want to pinch them), and LaDawn's lips. What a doll! We had to wait for them to come back into her room because LaDawn had to be in recovery for an hour. I was so happy to see her when she came in. She really looked out of it but content. I got to hold Tesla and see her have her first bath (let me tell you, she didn't like it). LaDawn got sick the next night with a fever of 104 and had to stay in the hospital until Tuesday morning. She is still having problems with infection and getting sick. Hats off to you LaDawnyo'/Superwoman, I love you sis!

Gentlemen prefer blondes?

Right after I dyed & dried it for the first time.

Good thing he still loves me, even as a red head.

My new dress (Nathan didn't get my amazingly cute new shoes in the shot).

I wanted to do one last thing before going back to work. Something needed to change about me & I decided it would be my hair. I was either going to butch it or dye it. Obviously I dyed it & crap, it didn't really go the color I wanted. I used to dye my hair all of the time in high school (crazy colors like pink, blue & purple) but I was trying to stick with a somewhat natural color. It was supposed to be brown with a hint of red. Instead it turned really red with a hint of... purple? I still can't tell. At first I didn't like it but after I put some make up on & did it I decided I did like it after all. Thank goodness, so did Nathan. I was worried that people would think it looked bad (I know I shouldn't care but I do) but I got a complement on it that night when we went out to Cafe Rio. Who says blonde's have more fun? I even got a new dress (turquoise is my favorite color) and some matching shoes that, I think are to die for.

And on and on and on.....

Hiking, isn't it wonderful? Especially in the dark, when you want to be sleeping, when you feel sick. These were the thoughts that were running through my mind as we began our hike up to the top of Timpanogos mountain last Wednesday (as you can see, I am playing the catch up game.) I kind of weaseled my way into going (sorry Jess) and then invited my bff, Kelly. I had been feeling ill all night but told Nathan I didn't want to miss going. I left home about 11:30 or so, picked up Kell & then we drove to the mouth of the canyon. On the way up there I had planned to stop at a gas station to pick up some much needed water and goodies but it was sadly closed. Kelly only had water & I felt so bad about it. Lucky for me, I found a water bottle I keep in my car for emergencies & was able to take that. We started up the trail & soon had straggled far behind the rest of our group. I told Kell it was no big deal, we would catch up eventually. I had already done this hike once before but it was a couple of years ago & I had run up the whole thing with a bunch of running fanatics. This time it felt like forever getting up. I hated the top last time & this time was no exception. I like heights if I feel like I'm safe but the last 4o minutes or so after the 'saddle' is shale & a major drop off. I was sure we wouldn't make it before the sun came up but we made it (at last) with about 30 minutes to spare. There were kids up there only in shorts & t-shirts & I had a wonderful time envisioning my first trip up. This time I was much more prepared with pants, hoodie, blanket, & (thank goodness) my inhaler (last time I had an asthma attack) Needless to say, this time was more enjoyable, if only I had remembered food & didn't feel sick. The sunrise was breathtaking. After it came up Jess yelled over to me (we had gotten separated in the dark.) They had been on the other side of the shed the whole time! When it was time to go we decided to return the other way. Had I known that I would have to free climb a 15-20 foot drop & slide down a gigantic glacier (receiving many stinging cuts along the way) I probably would have opted to go back the other way. I am really glad we didn't because, now that it is over, the glacier was sweet. I wish my pictures could do it justice! Kelly & I went down together (still don't know if that made it better or worse?) I think I cussed the whole way down. At the bottom of the glacier was Emerald Lake, so named for it's amazing sparkling water, the same color as the deepest shade of blue emerald. If it had a fountain blazing out of the center I would have called it the fountain of life, it looked that good. As we got down to the bottom of the glacier Kelly yelled, "Look at all the goats!" There, standing a bit above the lake, was a big heard of mountain goats. For those of you that know I am an animal lover (if not read another post below) this was the best part of the hike for me. I took more pictures of the goats than double everything else put together. I wanted to take one of the kids home. The only thing that stopped me was: I can't carry it down the whole trail, it's mom would probably kill me, Nathan would kill me & I would go to jail. I wanted to stay forever but, Kelly had to go into work that morning & we were running late. As soon as we found the rest of the real trail, she and I booked it down to the bottom. We ran into a guy that was a local taking pictures of some of the small waterfalls. When he asked us if we had gone to the top we said yes & slid the glacier on the way back down. He said he was glad we didn't get hurt, he frequently sees people getting Lifelited off. Good thing we found that out afterward. We finally got down & I quickly drove Kell home. She was still almost an hour late but said she had fun any how. I am sure I will do it again, just in about another 4 years.

Panda

This is my favorite one. Nathan has his mouth full.

Me looking stupid as well.

Nathan & I love Panda Express, especially Orange Chicken! We would go there every night but, there is such thing at too much of a good thing & soon our pants would be really full & Nathan's wallet would be really thin. Nathan took me to Panda after we had gotten cleaned up from our kayaking adventure. Our fortunes for the day: Your next big purchase will be discounted greatly & you strive for greatness. At least one of them was note worthy.

A kayaking we will go...

Among all of the ugly, unfair things in life, God gave us the beauty of nature to help us deal, cope, & heal. When I was a young girl my friends would call me nature girl or tree hugger. I love the great outdoors. It is pathetic but, I would rather be Jane of the Jungle than Bekka on 7th east. During vacation, I begged Nathan to take me kayaking. We have one & sadly, it only gets to go swimming about once a year. We lent it to one of my best friends, Heather, a few days before. It was a good thing because she gave it a bath & got it some new "arms" (previously we were using blow up raft oars). We drove up American Fork Canyon, decided to pass up Tibble Fork, & went to Silver Lake instead. The drive was crap (try driving up hill with your kayak tied redneck style) but it was totally worth it. We were the only ones on the lake. We raced around, trying to see how fast we could cross the whole thing & then we would just float there. I kept trying to steer the kayak into the on coming current of the river, which didn't work very well, but it was still really fun. It ended to soon but hopefully we can go again soon!

Are you Chicken?

Col. Sanders or Foghorn Leghorn?
I can't decide.... 'now that's a joke son.' He's a pullet, didn't you know? Some would say that I am an animal fanatic. There probably right. I have 1 dog, 2 ducks, 3 cats, 4 horses, & 6 chickens. (All I need is 5 of something else & we can sing a children's counting song.) On Tuesday, Nathan & I worked on my chicken coop/duck run. I was really happy because I have been very worried that a fox will come & eat them. On Sunday, my fear was increased as we watched the neighborhood fox (I will call him Roka) trot down the street, fine as can be. I kept worrying that Roka would be back when he finds out I have ducks & chickens ripe for the picking. Nathan is such a good husband. He doesn't even want my ducks or chickens but he was out there, helping me build there house. Now all it needs is the other door & a coat of paint.

Cowboy Up!

On Monday, Nathan & I went to the Days of 47 Rodeo with my family. LaDawn even came & she is about to pop with baby Tesla.
We watched some bronc buckin', team pennin', barrel racin' & bull ridin' just to name a few!

We even saw a guy heard 2 buffalo onto his trailer.... impressive!

Vacation at last

I am finally on a long needed vacation. Where have I gone you would like to know? No place at all but my own backyard. Nathan & I decided that we needed to take a vacation before he quits his job & this was the only week that worked for both of us. It is wonderful to not have to get up, to be able to get things done at home & fit in a bit of fun. My cousin, Clayton, came home from the Washington state mission & had his homecoming on Sunday. (I am a bit of a chicken so I didn't ask anyone for pix.) Nathan & I drove up the nearby canyon, Millcreek, and checked out the sights. He thought it would be so much fun to have me walk around in the river with my dress on.... don't ask me why. It was so cold. Then we went home, & decided check out our own neighborhood. We were looking for some where to take a walk but never found the "right" place. We ended up little cottonwood canyon. Did you know that 'no dogs are aloud'? Well, if ya did, we didn't. We had Kiska in the back of the car & so we couldn't really get out. On the way home we passed this really cute place & I had to take a picture. It was like a secret garden. I want to build one of my own someday.

luvs!

Happy Birthday Kel!

Yesterday was my best friend, Kelly's birthday. I took her to dinner at Mimi's Cafe. That girl is a crack up! I was laughing so hard, I almost peed my pants! I have known her for over 20 years now. We've been through thick & thin together. Painful relationships, loss of loved ones, triumphs, growing up & more. She is one of the strongest, funny, beautiful people I know. She has taught me a lot about life & about myself. It is great to have someone you can tell everything to & know they will still love you in the end. Happy 25th Birthday Kel, Your that much closer to 30 ya old fart!

"All men have one refuge, a good friend, with whom you can weep and know that he does not smile." - Menander

LaDawn's Baby Shower

Going to a baby shower = fun friends, food, games, go home. Planning & throwing a baby shower = stress, no sleep, fighting, making lots of food, clean up. I think from now on, I will stick to going to baby showers. All in all it went great & LaDawn had a good time. It was wonderful to see my baby sister so happy. She had lots of good friends come and support her. My aunt & uncle came too (I haven't seen them for about 7 years.) My whole family was there & that hasn't happened for about 2 years or so. It was a good day.

To run or not to run... that, is a silly question

I have many addictive behaviors, running is one of them (and probably one of the better ones). I love feeling the wind in my hair, feeling the runners 'high', the freedom of it, even the sweat sliding down my back (gross, I know). I can't help it.
A few weeks ago, I was able to attempt my first marathon. Attempt is the keyword because it wasn't meant to be, or at least, not this time 'round. The night of my marathon, we couldn't find a place to eat so, we ended up going to Chinese.... big mistake. Have you ever heard of the Texas Two Step? Ya, I'm proficient at it now. I also didn't think about booking a hotel beforehand, something I won't forget again. We finally found a place to stay, thanks to our handy Ogden City map (and my annoying persistence).
As I got to the starting line the next morning, I realized that I was the only one wearing a blue number. I told myself it was no big deal but by the time I realized I was standing at the start of the half, it was too late. I was so mad at myself. 7 months of hard training down the drain, or so I thought. One of the officials for the race said I could still run the half, blah blah blah. I didn't want to run a half, I had already done that. I told myself, 'Oh well, what's another practice run anyway?' We started off & I will admit, I was still ticked.
As the miles passed away I finally started to look around at the beauty God had placed there for all to see. Purple painted mountains encircled us, a blue mirror lake on one side, runners in front and behind me as far as I could see. Breathtaking. As the scenery whizzed by (I like to tell myself I was going that fast) my bad mood was left behind too. I contemplated my training towards this event & reminded myself why I really run in the first place. It takes me somewhere I can't go any other way. In some way, it makes life more palpable, more real to me.
As I crossed the finish line I was ecstatic. My husband & one of my best friends, Heather, were standing there waiting for me. They both gave me a great big hug. I also got as much free jamba juice peach smoothie as I wanted & didn't even puke it up. I found another marathon in September & this time, I'm taking the shuttle!

Quotes, I love them!

I just found this quote (I love them, by the way) so I decided to put it on here somewhere....

"Some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity." Gilda Radner

ROTC for Nate?

Today I went into the ROTC recuiting office of Colonel Fisher and was able to establish what classes I will need to finish with a degree in Biology. Looks like things are going to be really busy for the next 3 years. Unfortunately, because I failed to choose a major and stick with it, it looks like I will have almost enough credits to graduate with 2 degrees instead of only one. However, I am excited about actually having a plan. The good news is that I will also be able to graduate without having incurred anymore student loan debt, which for most everyone is a common occurance. I am also excited about the prospect of serving in the military as a Veterinarian, provided I get accepted into school. It seems slightly a scary prospect of looking into the military when we are at a time of war, but to us it seems like the right thing to do. I guess God's vision is much larger than our own. He knows what is best for all of us and what will make us happy both here and in the world to come. I guess we will just follow his direction, whatever that is.

Family, isn't it about time...

Last night, Nathan & I went over to my 'rents house to work on their yard. We also dropped off my dad's kitten (His old cat, Sylvester, got a little frisky & disappeared in the night while chasing the women.) We spent a few hours weeding the yard for my sister, LaDawn's, baby shower. The yard has been an absolute mess. (will post pictures of the finished product soon.) The weather was wonderful & surprisingly, I had a really good time. By the time we were close to finishing for the night, we were all famished so, we decided to grab a bite to eat. LaDawn called me & we all went to Winger's as a family. It was lots of fun! I did missed Annie, Destiny, and their familys (especially Stone!) My family are such dorks! I will post some pix tomorrow.